Ownership

This won’t be the first occasion I’m talking about expected behavior patterns. I have been vocal about how people can come up with almost no efforts and call it their best and place failures against it. This one comes on the background of my understanding on of a certain market- this time around; it is about the holy matrimony and how this is functioning.

Now I have been observing behaviour of people for close to a year now; six months of which I can say in complete seriousness from my side. Rightfully so, this event commands the maximum involvement from prospects and their parents alike. This is one buy where compromise is not on the cards. Everything has to be as per expectation- perfection in every possible quarter.

I have nothing against the intricate level of detailing that people like to go through… even exploring my family descends- but what is amazing and disturbing is a very different point.

I guess there is no doubt you need to check for compatibility. This can be clinical (blood groups) or social behavior; but also what is important is how well you can communicate between and understand each other. What in fact seems to be the dependence is on things like horoscopes – which people candidly accept they know nothing of in detail.

My biggest problem is how can an entity that is beyond understanding of normal people and usually deduced by a 3rd party decide my fate? Of a million perceivable and visible parameters, how does this factor determine the life for people?

Recently I got one revert saying ‘our rashis are mrityu shadashtak’- I know, the words are a killer in itself. Considering my ignorance and lack of understanding of the topic, I tried to enlighten myself by “Guru Google”. I found it turned out that it simply meant the possibility of misunderstanding was high. Strangely this is an aspect that can be easily worked around with having good faith and trust in a relation.

But what makes me really upset is the fact that horoscopes are used as a crutch to safe guard against any possibly failure in a relationship. Even if everything else is in shape, horoscopes must match. If its not, sorry- its time to move on.

Another element is dependence on parent to take a call. Now even with a very transparent relation with my parents, I can still say I am an unknown to my parents in many ways. They never have seen me at work, or my temperament under pressure. They only know few of my friends and my unsupervised behavior staying alone in Pune (though they know much of it). But taking all this into consideration, they have cut me free to take calls, decide on whom I want or would like to meet and appreciate my decisions.

Now for people who have been much closer, it’s a strange thing to see the level of dependence on parents to take calls. “Do u feel we can go ahead and meet…”- “I need to ask Mom if I can….” (Wow, so how often and where all is my life likely to be subject to permissions from mother superior?)

I believe the reason is ownership. I take my decisions- so I’m responsible and have to own up to my acts. For others, I’m coming to believe that parents and horoscopes are like a safety net to act as the scrape goat and saviors in any eventuality.

How can you call yourself independent and free thinking individual if your actions and the ownership for them is missing?

I guess over protection at home and work is now showing up. Wards was parents or bosses to cover up- who in turn are looking at horoscopes or company policy to save their skin.