Tring!!!! Tring!!!!

Yes- that’s how my phone rings; and if it is an unknown number, all it brings to me is anxiety… its like down the rabbit hole feeling…

I recently had a meeting at work with a company offering telecom service solutions for marketing purpose. The meeting was primarily academic for me meant to know what kind of latest service is being offered on the platform. So no matter how low the neck was, how often the bending or strong eye contact- I wasn’t buying anything.

Representing an American company, the lady tried to tell me about how the US market was different, how Japan was going and the greatest distinction about mobile maturity- “Do Disturb” as an option rather than “Do Not Disturb”. So people actually subscribe to calls or SMS they need- considering no one wants to get sued for flooding data to anyone.

I never knew how priceless that can be until today. Sure I do get messages and calls from obscure sources- but what came today was simply the most stunning bit of conversation I have come across in a long time. Not only it left me somewhere between enraged and stunned- I possibly gave the maximum X-rated response (from me) ever on phone.

The call came from some agency in Hyderabad facilitating Visa formalities for overseas resettling (yes, not jobs). I believe all Calling Executive have some basic training- I wonder how this lady might have got through. Every sentence in that call was a notch above on the stupid scale to what ever the lady said before.

The conversation began on the note:"Sir am I talking to Tushar Jamb... whatever... "… (Did she just call me WHATEVER??? – can’t even read a screen but have some prospect for me- wow). Ignoring the error, I decided to go and hear out beyond.

“We help with migration Visa for 7 countries...”, “So U wanna send me abroad- ok... to where?... “Sir to Singapore...” (Sure I didn’t enjoy the place but it might be good to earn in dollars for a change)…”Sir, we will do all your PR Visa work... it takes about 6 months”…

Now this is strange stuff, no job offer so far… what is this call for??? “Can you tell me what's PR Visa?”… “It is Permanent Resident- so u can go with your family to Singapore for ever…”- This certainly is not a HR Consultant. I decided to go on just to get to the bottom of this- “Ahem!! Ok... and what do I do in Singapore” ... “Sir, we will organize job interviews for u, once u go there...”

I knew of job scams in Punjab and Kerala, this one is not even offering a job. But I just went on expecting sadistic pleasure. “Amazing- what kinda jobs” ... “Sir u in Marketing- so lots of jobs” , “Really??? I haven't seen one”; No sir, lots of jobs- we assure interviews…”

So I land in Singapore and they gimme interviews, what a scam. I tried my smart trick, “ok... so fix me an interview, I get the job, go on a work permit and then u start for the PR Visa”, “No Sir, Job only after PR Visa”

I decided to call it off and said thank you and thought it was over. But with the persuasiveness only rivaled by Insurance agents or the Sindhi shopkeepers in Gandhi Market, she struck back with renewed spirit: “Sir, are u married?”, “What??? How does it matter here?”

The next line was the killer blow, a testimony to the fact that English is a foreign language and we still at time have no clue of what we speak-

“Sir, why don't u try?”

(huh, what the hell is this lady talking about?) “try what? Getting married or Singapore?”

The conversation beyond had to be edited due to high blood pressure effects, use of language ranging from astronomy to gastronomy and overall displeasure explicitly expressed.

All this while, I thought my English was not the best, the world just never seems to end with surprises for me.