It was not until my friend Gaurav Batla and I that we discussed insights into profiles on facebooks to take it serious. What’s below is a combine of what two eccentrics can churn out. Of course, Batla is okay if anyone wants to tag people with the archetypes defined and get us a PhD.
Mush Maniacs: Girls (sometimes guys too) who would put keep putting those 101 love quotes from the Internet mostly depressing. Point to note, relationship status: Single
I am glad you are there. You are the best thing happened to me…
Typically they will tell the whole world who their boyfriend/girlfriend is through all those, Mmmmmuah mmmmmuah, Awwws, Love u babyyyyys floating all through the wall.(Please Notice the Extra Alphabets in almost every word).
I am so glad I got a girlfriend (somehow managed): Another variant of the Mush Maniacs but with the couple profile pics.
These people will have 20 albums posing with girlfriend in Malls, Cars, Markets, Amusement parks, eating candy floss. (LSD style has not yet caught up here)
The profile pic will typically be a close up self clicked shot with camera phone held high showing the biggest achievement of his life being held from behind: has to- what if she runs away???
Note worthy- I used to think the “our song” concept was only a gimmick on Sitcoms. Nay, these people live on that stuff….
“Kaise batayein kyun tujhko chahe…” …. “Wow I was singing the same….”… “I love Atif’s voice...”… “Oh I was humming Kailash Kher…”
Desperate Dickheads: This usually are Guys who have never been able to lay their hand (both literally and figuratively) on a Gal and will keep copying Double Meaning Quotes from Internet to attract some attention (in any form good or bad) so that at least somebody notices.
Note worthy: 'I Hate Love' updates. ‘Love is for losers. I am better off being single. No Time for Love.’
Typical Fan Pages : Proud to be Single types.
I, Me, Myself: Typically this type of people are the one’s who took facebook to be a cousin of picasa or flicker. They will have more than 1000 photographs in 20 + albums whose titles are generally on the lines of Random Stuff, Just another Day Shopping, Me and My Friends, Cafe Coffee Day.
Typical trait: More than 100 profile pictures and 90 of them will be self clicked with a camera phone; occasionally with another friend in the frame.
Everyone else is a loser: Slightly different from the 'I-Me-Myself' type. They are more like Rebels without a cause; Objection My lord; I know it all dude…
Typically they will never 'like' any update but always try to find flaws in whatever is written. Try this- next day you post a diametrically opposite update, and I bet that person will find some counter argument there too.
More often than not, they will never post something themselves but will just comment on every single update from others'.
Super Stalkers: This is one true wonder category. They will not have a single status update in the past 3 years. No games, No activity, Do Nothing at all and the best- They will not even have a profile picture.
Generally they are single and not go out on a weekend. Their pleasure tour….log on early morning and will only browse through your updates (or pictures if you are a girl).
These people will know exactly what is going on in your life. They might not know which company you are working for but they will surely know how many girlfriends you have had in the past 3 years or anything you bought in the last one month or even what you did last summer…
Application Specialists: NO... Absolutely NO updates- apart from games and other facebook applications. Farmville, Mafia Wars, Café World is their ecosystem. Fortune cookies, daily horoscopes, stupid quizzes on their friends, daily dates and crushes are their daily routine.
Very rare that they will comment on anybody's status or what’s happening around. They will have only two albums in the profile. One called Profile pictures; rest will be pictures coming through applications.
Typical Profile will have a stiff competition between Friends list and Application list. Most friends will also be the one’s who gift sheep, send a hit man, share secret recipe etc.
Sports Freaks: The Status Messages are filled with the latest score updates: from EPL to IPL. F1 to International Kabaddi World Cup. The word 'God' appears almost every fortnight.
These docile people will appear more aggressive than some Somali Warlord when on facebook. Frequently Used Words : Hail, Kick Ass, Woo Hooo, F*ck you
The 'TGIF' kinds: Typically they will only update two times a week. One on friday evening saying 'Yiiipppppie the weekend is here' and then sunday Evening saying 'Damn.. Why does the weekend run away so quickly'.
Considering most of them do nothing besides sleeping and watching TV over the weekend, they somehow are as excited as a child in a toy shop on Friday.
Oh yes…. Sometimes, there could be a Saturday update saying 'Bored to Death'…
My life is an Open Facebook: Not every autobiography is worth a read- But this type is the kind which feels facebook status is a megaphone on which they need to shout about everything they are doing as others survive on that fodder. Prime objective is to grab attention
Occasionally, they like to broadcast personal messages to one person or look for community sympathy- basically do everything in their power to grab attention
Typical status: Having dinner, sleeping, bored, And you please don’t call me, I am upset, Nobody loves me
Most often, you will find some nosey people do asking what was for dinner or who is upset for what…
This has become just too big for a blog I guess...